"With the joy of responsibility comes the burden of obligation"

Mike Judge is criminally underrated, even by the Malcontent. I was late on "Beavis and Butthead," "Office Space" and "King of the Hill." The latter is in its final days, scheduled to go off the air this spring. It's probably about time, and, since I have nothing else to say, here's a sampling of Hank Hill's best:


Son, Al Yankovic blew his brains out in the late '80s after people stopped buying his records. He's not worth getting into trouble over.

Damn, I've poured my whole life into this lawn. My heart, my soul, the tender feelings I've held back from my family.

This is exactly what those environmentalists should be spending their time on: Finding ways to use nature against other forms of nature that are inconvenient to man.

You know, the special time in girls' lives, and the freshness and all that.

We don't fish for the fish. Ninety percent of what I like about this sport --- and it is a sport --- is sitting in the boat doing nothing

You know, when the Coach wanted Mickey Mantle to take the pitch, and he wasn't too hung over to see the sign, he took the pitch, I tell you what.

A circus clown is just a carny who's too stupid to flip a ride switch on and off.

I'm talking to myself. That's a side effect of the marijuana poisoning.

A dog's the only animal that makes sense. And I suppose a cat might work, you know, if you're a little girl or an old lady who's sick.

Look at your average pickup truck. With airbags and vanity mirrors, it's one focus group away from turning into a powder room.

Soccer was invented by European ladies to keep them busy while their husbands did the cooking.

All his dreams from now on are gonna be about leaving. And then some high school guidance counsellor is gonna tell him to follow his dreams. Then how will he end up? A fruit pie salesman with a whoopie cushion living in Wichita Falls.

Can't you see you're not making Christianity better, you're just making rock n' roll worse.