Thursday, February 23, 2006

"I'm skeptical that you could, but intrigued that you may"

Continuing my "King of the Hill" tribute, here's some classics from exterminator Dale Gribble, TV's greatest neighbor (barely edging out Ned Flanders):

You and your worms are fishing in the past, Hank, in the days of black-and-white television and a democratically elected Congress.

The vandalism upon my house can only be described as a hate crime. Somebody hates me.

Boo! I am a high-priced Washington lobbyist peddling influence. Who wants candy?

My Joseph better not be sterile ... I need my seed to live on. Certain plans of mine require additional Gribbles.

Ever since they held that big women's conference in Beijing, co-ed sports has been the number-two priority on the international feminite agenda. Want to know what the number-one priority is? Co-ed bathrooms. It'll be a cold day in hell before we institute that in the Gribble home.

You know what the root of the problem is, don't you? Feminism. Gloria Steinbrenner, that's what started it. Gerald Ford should have killed her when he had the chance.

Nancy's a terrible actress. Remember how her Liza Doolittle "did little" for the critics? For my insults to be effective, Nancy must remain completely in the dark, her reactions real and unscripted, like a Dean Martin roast.

I'm in over my head, Hank. I ran out of advice after I told him to hold the stick like a giant cigarette.

Don't flatter yourself, Hank, Nancy likes her men thin and pale of face. I thank God every day for sending me an angel with the hots for my trachtine physique.

Guns don't kill people. The government does.

No doubt I failed to include many of Dale's rhetorical gems.

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