There's a plate of homemade wishes on the kitchen window sill

I've mentioned my celebrity encounters before. But only three of my subjects rate insignificantly enough to merit inclusion in good friend Bitchy Jon from Castro's collection of sub-famous signatures (Gallagher, Gallagher II and the kid who played the drummer on the "Partridge Family").

Bitchy Jon has the autograph of the former third base coach of the Oakland A's, as well as the high school football team he watched as a kid. And Dick Van Patten ... twice. The second time, he reasons, came when he was trying to grab John McEnroe's attention.

His wife, socialist prude Molly Berg, nailed his biggest ink trophy: Erik Estrada. Molly saw him on a plane and approached him, telling Ponch she was getting the autograph for her husband. Double E wasn't buying it, though: "Sure you don't want my picture, honey?" I'm told Molly had to be restrained.

Speaking of DVP, Bitchy Jon has been known to perform an achingly sad, a capella version of the theme song to "Eight is Enough." Tribute or parody? I'm not certain.