Monday, February 27, 2006

Another reason to stay out of Florida

Like you needed one. Already home to the country's scariest city, Celebration --- "the first planned community developed by The Walt Disney Company" --- Florida is getting another Stepford-like hamlet. (And that's leaving out Orlando).

Welcome to Catholic heaven:

Abortions, pornography and contraceptives will be banned in the new Florida town of Ave Maria, which has begun to take shape on former vegetable farms 90 miles northwest of Miami.

Tom Monaghan, the founder of the Domino’s Pizza chain, has stirred protests from civil rights activists by declaring that Ave Maria’s pharmacies will not be allowed to sell condoms or birth control pills. The town’s cable television network will carry no X-rated channels.


The Florida developers managing the project claim more than 7,000 people have already expressed interest in buying homes in the town. Retailers and other businesses are reportedly close to leasing 60% of the intended commercial space.

Lawsuits appear inevitable once the new town begins functioning in 2007, but Monaghan believes he has more than the law on his side. "I think it’s God’s will to do this," he said.

Wonder how the new residents of Ave Maria will handle their state's nickname, "America's wang."


  1. There's a bright side. If they all gather in one place, they'll be

    a) easier to avoid
    b) only able to vote in that one congressional district.

    If you'll excuse me, I'm gonna call the Papa John's guy to see if he'll fund my swinger's colony.

  2. I don't see why people are up in arms about this. I can respect the pro-choicers having issue with the anti-abortion deal in the city/town/whatever since abortion is currently against the law but as long as they abide by all other laws, who cares? Let all the Cathaholics live together and keep them out of my... well, everything.

  3. I wonder if Dominos will have an "exclusive pizza delivery contract" in Ave Maria?

    My guess is that in ten years or so, this town will be blown open by some kind of steamy Florida vote-rigging/nun orgy/drug running/child molestation/pizza kickback/ecclesiastical coverup scandal. Now that should be fun.