What am I not getting?

Don't want to rile any sensitivities here, so Dane Cook fans best stop reading now. Even though I'm proudly out-of-touch, I can't help but be curious about the ubiquitous. So I decide to check out this Dane feller, though I admit some prejudice going in, as I've concluded that frat boys have taken over comedy.

My suspicions about Dane Cook were confirmed when I went to his official website. I'm sure there's plenty of clever jokes and inspired situations in his act, and maybe I should've researched further, but I lost interest after reading his mission schtick:

What the hell is SU-FI or SUperFInger?

One night I did a bit on stage about 5 years ago at the Laugh Factory. I was talking about how the finger is lame now and it's lost its pizzazz.I said I wanted to upgrade the finger and so from now on people should use both the ring finger coupled with the middle finger. I called it the SUPERFINGER (or the SU-FI if you're a bad ass M F).

I said the old (classic) finger says "screw you dumb person."

The SUPERFINGER screams one of two things depending on how you use it.

In "PISSED OFF MODE" it means:

"FUCK YOURSELF YOU FUCKING NOTHING PUDDLE OF FUCKDEW. YOU DRIPPING STICKY BLEACH SMELLING MASS OF EXTREME UBER-MENTAL RETARDATION. SOUR JIZZ FUCKASSFACE. EAT MY FUCK WITH AN EXTRA SIDE OF FUCK FRIES.
YOU FUCKHOLE." It was close to that. I am paraphrasing.

Or, in "FEEL THE LOVE" mode it mean:

"I realize you are feeling my truth and my dedication. You're saying THANKS FOR JUST BRINGING IT HONEST and I return that vibe with the SU-FI. You can't fuck with the truth and I appreciate that you would indicate that to me with a flash of the SU-FI. Respect and accomplisment I wish for you."

Otherwise, he seems to talk a lot about getting head, loudly, and he makes a bunch of shrill sound effects when things go flat. (I say as I recognize how much I sound like Seymour from "Ghost World.")

Still, my conclusion: beware the unholy spawn of Robin Williams and Adam Sandler, as well as any "comedian" with abs.

Selah.