The Devil wears Brooks Brothers

"The entire Indian country has come together in a big kumbaya of hatred for me. It just tears at my soul."

That's Jack Abramoff, feeling sorry for himself in the newest issue of Vanity Fair. "In a different era I'd be killed on the street or have poison poured into my coffee."

We wouldn't want that to happen, particularly since Abramoff is telling all about his cozy relationship with the GOP hierarchy.

Some highlights:

*President Bush joked with Abramoff about his weight lifting past: "What are you benching, buff guy?" Of course Bush claims not to remember having his picture taken with the disgraced lobbyist, but he does recall details about Abramoff's past. Hmmmm.

*According to documents obtained by Vanity Fair, Rebulican National Committee head Ken Mehlman did Abramoff political favors (such as preventing Clinton administration alumnus Allen Stayman from keeping a State Department job) and had Sabbath dinner at Abramoff's house, although Mehlman now claims the two never met.

*"I have more pictures of [Newt] than I have of my wife." Abramoff says of Newt Gingrich, who says they haven't seen each other in at least 10 years. "Here's Newt. Newt. Newt. Newt. More Newt. Newt with Grover [Norquist, the Washington conservative Republican Über-strategist and longtime Abramoff friend] this time. But Newt never met me. Ollie North. Newt. Can't be Newt ... he never met me. Oh, Newt! What's he doing there? Must be a Newt look-alike.... Newt again! It's sick! I thought he never met me!"

And then there's the quality time Abramoff says he spent with Tom DeLay. "We would sit and talk about the Bible. We would sit and talk about opera. We would sit and talk about golf," Abramoff recalls. "I mean, we talked about philosophy and politics."

When they weren't figuring out ways to circumvent the law.

As for his punishment, Abramoff says it would be "stupid" to send him to prison. "Let me teach English, history, music. Or let me sweep floors at the reservation. Instead you'll be paying to feed me to sit in a jail."

Sounds like we might very well see a certain ex-lobbyist negotiate some plea bargains in the near future.