The beautiful people

I can't stand it when people kiss up to the gorgeous. Laughing at jokes that aren't funny ... cooing over their alleged humility ... rhapsodizing about their talent ... marveling at the slightest hint of brains. This despite the fact you can't be exceptionally gorgeous, intelligent and talented. The deity won't allow it. If you see such a person, finger them as the Anti-Christ.

That said, I'm as guilty as anyone in this regard. I dated one model in my life, and God knows I bring it up every chance I get. I don't even call him by name, just "that model I used to date." That shouldn't be a source of pride, yet I wouldn't mind if it was mentioned in my obit.

Now along comes a study that finds ugly people commit more crimes in comparison to average-looking ones. "Being very attractive reduces the individual's propsensity for criminal activity, and being unattractive increases it for a number of crimes ranging from burglary to selling drugs," according to two economists who compiled the report on "Ugly Criminals."

They also note that studies have found attractive people are more likely to be hired for jobs and make more money. Quoting a Miami man arrested for bank robbery: "I'm too ugly to get a job."

So perhaps we need affirmative action for the aesthetically challenged? Or maybe tax credits for plastic surgery?

Hey, I'm for anything that would reduce crime --- and increase my odds of dating a second model.