San Francisco bans freaks

I pride myself on being ideologically consistent, but when it comes to Scientology, fair play gets thrown out the window. Anything that curbs the expansion of L. Ron Hubbard's billion-dollar scam is fine by me.

The Church of Scientology and other religious groups would be banned from buying a historic San Francisco building in the heart of the city's bohemian North Beach neighborhood under a proposed city ordinance.

Of course, calling Scientology a religion is an insult to suicide bombers and creationists everywhere. Until it passes my 1,000-year rule (anything lasting that long, even if it's brainwashing, deserves some recognition), it should remain confined to the "etcetera" category, along with Est and the Moonies.

Germany gets this, but was reprimanded by former President Lonesome Rhodes, er, Clinton, back in the late nineties when it refused to register Scientology as a religion because the government considers it "a radical cult that cheats members out of their life savings." W. Jeff interceded on the cult's behalf; not coincidentally, Scientologist John Travolta was set to play Clinton in the movie adpatation of "Primary Colors" when all this went down.

Travolta told writer Josh Young that just before "Primary Colors" went before the cameras last April, the actor was in Washington to promote Scientology.

"The next day, I met with Clinton," Travolta told the now-defunct George magazine.

"He told me: "Your program sounds great. More than that, I'd really love to help you with your issue over in Germany with Scientology.'"

"I was waiting for the seduction that I had heard so much about. I thought, "Well, how could he ever seduce me?'" Travolta recalled.

"And after we talked, I thought, "Bingo!' He did it. Scientology is the one issue that really matters to me."

For Travolta, Clinton reportedly went to the extraordinary length of assigning National Security Adviser Sandy Berger to be the administration's Scientology point man.

Berger briefed Travolta in the same manner he would a senior senator, George reports.

A White House official said last night, "it is perfectly normal and logical" for Berger to get involved in the Scientology issue because "it is in the general area of human rights concerns and this is something we have raised with the German government."

In November '97, Secretary of State Madeleine Albright met with German Foreign Minister Klaus Kinkel and urged him to stop being intolerant toward Scientologists.

Now that's impeachment-worthy.