Mornin' Miss Ellie, wanna drink?

Hollywood has no shame. Re-making "Psycho" was bad enough, but now they're tampering with "Dallas." Lumping the latter in with the former may be sacrilege, but the Ewing clan got me through college (having missed it the first time, I remain indebted to TNT for those morning repeats).

So who's going to play J.R.? It takes a big man to fill Larry Hagman's shoes; John Travolta, Mel Gibson and Kevin Costner ain't that man. Tommy Lee Jones has also been mentioned for the role ... at least he's from Texas.

Catherine Zeta-Jones seems to be the first choice to play J.R.'s wife Sue Ellen, although Demi Moore and Jennifer Lopez are also on the list. J.R.'s saintly brother Bobby might be portrayed by either Matthew McConaughey or Owen Wilson ... at least they're from Texas.

Bobby's wife Pamela could end up being played by (yikes) Drew Barrymore, while Lindsay Lohan, Jessica Simpson (double yikes) or Mandy Moore could be cast as the buxom Lucy.

As for Miss Ellie: Jane Fonda?!? Hell, why not Ted Turner, as Jock Ewing?