Soon, you'll be able to purchase NASCAR hot dogs, bologna, smoked sausage and, of course, bacon (strangely, no soy). Which you'll be able to cook on your NASCAR grill, using your NASCAR spatula while tailgating behind your NASCAR camper parked in an official NASCAR spot.
The National Association for Stock Car Auto Racing is so confident fans will buy the new product that they don't even wink at subtlety in their press release:
"It's a cinch that customers will love NASCAR meat products, because NASCAR hot dogs and NASCAR smoked sausage are perfect for tailgating parties or just grilling outdoors at home."
They may not be courting the shrewdest of customers, but "the association" sure knows how to pimp their wares. In their own smug words: "Last year alone NASCAR fans purchased $2.1 billion in NASCAR-licensed merchandise."
So what might pork add to the bottom line? Not to be overly snide, but the six pack beer to abs ratio at your typical racing event is something approaching 50,000 to 1.
Just keep shoveling it, boys (while repeating the word "NASCAR" as much as possible):
"One of the great traditions surrounding NASCAR race weekends is the outstanding food that the fans enjoy," exclaimed Blake Davidson, NASCAR managing director of licensed products. "Monogram's NASCAR-licensed meat products are sure to whet the appetites of NASCAR fans from coast to coast."