(Of course this could be a farce, but no evidence of that ... yet. Regardless, it's a great read).
"I serve Mr. Jack Nicholson in his home in Hollywood Hills," said Japanese-born chef Kazuki "Kaz" Yamamoto, the shadowy maestro of an underground and highly lucrative culinary world that's thriving in Arizona. "He have dinner party, and they eat whole dolphin! Nicolas Cage and his wife there. She really hot Korean chick. Larry David (of Seinfeld and now Curb Your Enthusiasm) there, too, but it Passover and he say he not eat dolphin because it not kosher."
Sounds like something straight out of "The Freshman" (an underrated flick, BTW). In fact, the '90 movie starring Matthew Broderick and Marlon Brando inspired Yamamoto's "Le Menu" concept. Not surprisingly, Brando was a big fan of the chef's work: "Marlon Brando and Phil Gordon only person who really love leg muscle; they like on bone and then rip off with teeth. Moan in pleasure, then spit out gristle. I serve Brando many time at Hollywood home. Mayor Phil very good customer here. Say Mexcan better than osso buco."
That be human leg muscle.
Some other choice anecdotes relayed by Yamamoto (read the full story -- plenty more to chew on):
*"Angelina Jolie and Mr. Brad Pitt love my giraffe tongue."
*"Cubs we roast for Sultan of Brunei, and the heart of mother lion I barbecue for Donald Trump."
*"People from PETA, how you say -- retards? Hunting is very ethical, yes. PETA want everyone vegetarian. But if everyone vegetarian, world have too many animal, and animal eat human. What you want? Human die or animal die?"
*"One day I hope I can cook whole Mexcan. Maybe baby Mexcan that mother sell to me. Then I make for my good friend Jon Kyl. I know Senator will like to eat Mexcan. He only like Mexcan when on his dinner plate."
Maybe Sen. Kyl can use that in his next campaign:
Concerned about illegal immigration?
Vote John Kyl
He only like Mexican when on his dinner plate