Sunday, May 21, 2006

Pass the raw agave nectar

Malcontent correspondent Markie Post ventured out of Frogtown to file this dispatch from a "live food" "party" in Decatur, home of the female mullet --

Nobody has ever accused Markie Post of squeamishness, but even I don't want to hear about colonics while eating "live food" meal in a brown sauce. My blanching, however, did not stop the other dinner guest from discussing this most essential hygiene practice. A Carol Channing impersonator, he probably was the most macho man at the "all vegan, all the time" gathering organized by lesbian animal rights activists in Decatur.

Along with the aroma of tempeh, a distinctly Sapphic vibe of self-righteousness wafted in the air. One woman said there was simply no excuse, even for reasons of health, for anyone to eat flesh. "It's a matter of respecting another being," she said. "I've practiced vegetarianism for 35 years, so everyone else should, too." Thus ensued a discussion of which soy products taste the yummiest, how best to clean a juicer, and, again, colonics. The mother of one of the guests, an elderly, partially deaf woman who was gamely trying to be hip, picked up a carob brownie and asked, "Is this free-range chocolate?"

Suddenly I find myself craving a "good morning burger," 18 ounces of sizzling ground beef soaked in rich, "creamery" butter, topped with bacon, ham and a fried egg.

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