Goofus and Gallant do the environment

I'm not sure why Goofus comes off as the gallant one here, but I always took his side as a kid, so I guess this makes sense. From an environmentalist with a sense of humor, or at the very least an enviable collection of "Highlights" magazines:

GOOFUS has a PhD
GALLANT has a PhD in a field unrelated to his research;

GOOFUS gets little respect as a scientist outside the scientific community
GALLANT gets little respect as a scientist inside the scientific community;

GOOFUS is employed by a "university", a "hospital", or a "laboratory"
GALLANT is employed by a "Coalition", an "Institute", an "Association", a "Foundation", a "Council", or a "White House";

GOOFUS earns $30,000 per year unless they cut his funding
GALLANT earns $20,0000 per year but makes his real money from speaking fees;

GOOFUS gets summoned for jury duty but is never picked as a juror
GALLANT claims "the jury is still out" on evolution or global warming, since he considers himself to be on the jury;

GOOFUS maintains the world is five billion years old
GALLANT isn't really saying, but creationists distribute his pamphlets all the time;

GOOFUS claims the world is warming as a direct result of human activity
GALLANT either claims that climate change doesn't exist, or if it does, that humans have nothing to do with it;

GOOFUS is heavily trained to be a skeptic and to treat information from all sources with a skeptical mind
GALLANT is heavily marketed as a skeptic but reserves his skepticism for GOOFUS;

GOOFUS claims the sky is falling and we have to take painful steps to reduce CO2 emissions now
GALLANT claims the free market will take care of it and recommends solving the problem by conning Zimbabwe out of their pollution credits;

GOOFUS advises his kids not to go into science
GALLANT advises the president.

I always suspected Gallant was a heartless Republican.