Wednesday, May 03, 2006

A Malcontent exclusive

I've obtained some footage from the new Mr. T self-help show "I Pity the Fool," in which our favorite black, bejeweled, Mohawk-coffied former bodyguard-turned-80s TV star travels the country dispensing advice and inspiration.

Can't share the video (damn contractural obligations), but here's a sample from the premiere episode transcript, featuring a drug-addled agoraphobic in Peoria seeking T's guidance:

"Mr. T, I just ... well, you see ... I'm afraid to go outside. There. I said it! I don't even like to look out the window."

T: "That's foolish talk, sucka!"

"But, you don't understand. I've ... I've been addicted to prescription painkillers for several years now and ...

T: "Drugs are for fools. You a fool?"

"No, I just can't ..."

T: "Can't what? That's a fool's excuse. Stay off drugs!"

"But my mother ..."

T: "Your mother? You better treat her right."

"No, my mother, she was an alcoholic and ..."

T: "I'm getting tired of your jibber jabber. You wastin' my time, fool!"

Might I suggest adding Arch Bishop Don Magic Juan (there will never be a better moniker, so don't even try) to the mix as T's sidekick/foil?


  1. Sheldon is flattered that other people want my views. I don't know what to say about the Pussy Cat Dolls. I say "Go Girls!!" and keep selling records. But I don't think little girls should be imitating them. Children are the future, I say.:) Mr. T rules!! I pity the fool that don't watch T and see RV!

  2. Hot. Ghetto. Mess.

  3. Collins4:03 PM

    I was not aware that Mr.T was still alive.
    Does anyone remember the MTV game show "Remote Control"?
    For one category the host would yell out the name of a celebrity and the contestants would need to answer if they were dead or still alive.
    I never got it right...............

  4. Anonymous12:42 AM

    I noticed you're directly linking to The Paunch Stevenson Show's photo of Boy George and Mr. T. Is using other people's bandwidth allowed?