Thursday, January 12, 2006

This week in "Teen People"

The Malcontent premieres a new feature, aimed at all my young readers. I owe it to them to turn my jaundiced eye to the 'tween media, compliments of the source, as I call it, "Teen People."

So Mr. Britney Spears' new single, "Popozao," is out. TP asks their readers: Could Kevin Federline be a great rapper? No way, for sure or maybe? You'll have to wait until next week. (He is a great punchline, however; as for the song, it sounds like something recycled from Cameo's toilet).

For you lovelorn out there, Hilary Duff and Good Charlotte (or, as Chris Rock calls them, Mediocre Green Day) frotnman Joel Madden offer this glimpse into their storybook romance:

"He’s my best friend," Hilary says. "When I’m upset, I can shut out the fact that he’s my cute boyfriend who I love so much. I can talk to him, and he’ll tell me what’s up."

Don’t expect them to hit the club scene every night, according to TP. Joel has been drug- and alcohol-free for two years, which makes him Hilary-tested, mom-approved. "Joel and my mom hang out even when I’m not in town!" Hilary says with a laugh.

Faithfulness is key to every relationship, including this one. "To me, cheating is lame. And I think flirting is cheating’s ugly cousin," Joel says.

Although they're in love, HilJo, as I've coined them (trademark pending), aren't going to rush things.

"We think about the future, but not marriage," Joel says. "I just hope we’re always happy." Holding Joel’s hand, Hilary seconds his emotion: "I don’t ever think about being apart from Joel. We just feel so comfortable with each other, and we know that we’re not going anywhere."

You know what's really sad about this? Someone, probably older than me, conducted that interview.

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