Monday, January 09, 2006

Resolutions made good

If you want to fulfill your New Year's goals, remember to keep them modest. For example, I resolve not to live in Montgomery, Ala. Or make love to Rosie O'Donnell. Or see these movies in 2006:

*The second sequel to "The Santa Clause." Nothing says Christmas like an unfunny ex-coke dealer from Detroit. That Tim Allen has a career is a pretty fair indictment against America's sense of humor;

*"Poseidon." No Shelly Winters, no interest in the remake of the '72 disaster classic;

*"Untitled Will Ferrell NASCAR project." Due in August. Kind of speaks for itself;

*"Dreamgirls." One of the rare bonding moments I've had with my mom occurred when we saw "Chicago" together. After about 20 minutes, we arrived at the same conclusion: it was time to go. I gave musicals a shot, and my bias remains intact;

*"Scary Movie 4," "Jackass 2," "The Fast and the Furious: Tokoyo Drift." I'd love to see them all, but having not seen their predecessors, I'm worried I wouldn't be able to keep up;

*"Basic Instinct 2." The first one made Sharon Stone a star. And they think we want to re-live that nightmare?;

*"Tenacious D in the Pick of Destiny." I know, everyone loves Jack Black. He's soooo funny. Nothing more amusing than an attention-starved teenge boy ... ;

*"Superman Returns." Just guessing: We'll all be plenty tired of hearing about this movie weeks before it even opens;

*"Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest." Is Johnny Depp going Nicolas Cage on us?;

*"Lady in the Water." The latest from M. Night Shaymalan. Perhaps the most overrated of Hollywood hacks. You'll sleep well;

*"Mission Impossible III." Though I can't wait for that next Tom Cruise publicity tour;

*"Casino Royale." A new James Bond in a new James Bond movie. You know Hollywood ... always on the cutting edge.

While not as certain, I'm fairly confident I will be seeing:

* "Art School Confidential." Directed by Terry Zwigoff ("Ghost World"). Characters include Vegan Holy Man, Angry Lesbian and Future Critic. Can't fail;

* "Thank You for Smoking." One of my favorite books, a satire that deftly captures the "neo-puritanical nineties," quoting my well-worn book jacket. The protagonist is a tobacco lobbyist, which must leave you at least a little curious. Please, don't let this be another "Bonfire of the Vanities" or "Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil";

* "For Your Consideration." Christopher Guest's latest, with Ricky Gervais from "The Office" and "Extras" added to the cast. I hope the slight downward trend of his last two movies doesn't continue, but, considering the subject matter --- movie awards --- I doubt it will. Regardless, Guest will never top "Waiting for Guffman" ... "People ask me if I was the class clown and I tell them no I wasn't it. But I sat next to him. And I studied him";

* "The Devil Wears Prada." I'm a sucker for movies about corporate shrews. Like Kevin Spacey in "Swimming with Sharks";

*"Marie-Antoinette." The casting is curious (Kirsten Dunst as the namesake and the increasingly annoying Jason Schwartzman as Louis XVI), but Sofia Copploa hasn't made a false move, yet, as a director. Still, a costume epic ... I'll get to it in '07.


  1. Your suggestion on how to make New Year's resolutions is hillarious! I love it. I will stick to it---thanks :) However, I must put in a good work about Santa Claus 2. It is a great kids christmas movie, and as i am still a kid at heart, I thoroughly enjoyed it.

    As reading more books is prat of your New Years resolution, I have a great book to recommend to you.

    The book is titled "The Fall of Lucifer", written by Wendy Alec.

    The book opens with the three Angelic brothers, Lucifer, Michael and Gabriel, in heaven before the fall. Over the course of the book, the essence of the angels is developed. The controversy arises when God created man to be higher than the angels, in that we are created in the image of God. Lucifer was embittered to the point of rebellion.

    Various historical events are incorporated, and the plot offers the perspective of an angel into the events. The novel develops the beauty of heaven and the grotesque quality of hell, the depths of evil, and the beauty of grace. It communicates these themes through beautiful imagery and an intriguing plot. The beautiful imagery would make for amazing scenery!

    This is a fast read, 300-page novel that is consuming to the imagination and penetrating to the heart. I hope they make this book into a movie. It would be amazing. If you have time, I hope you enjoy it!

  2. "What I a hundred thousand dollars."

    I thought I wouldn't like you anymore after your comment on musicals, but you redeemed yourself with the "Guest will never top 'Guffman'" assertion. Agreed (on the Guffman bit, that is...I like musicals).