Resolutions made good

If you want to fulfill your New Year's goals, remember to keep them modest. For example, I resolve not to live in Montgomery, Ala. Or make love to Rosie O'Donnell. Or see these movies in 2006:

*The second sequel to "The Santa Clause." Nothing says Christmas like an unfunny ex-coke dealer from Detroit. That Tim Allen has a career is a pretty fair indictment against America's sense of humor;

*"Poseidon." No Shelly Winters, no interest in the remake of the '72 disaster classic;

*"Untitled Will Ferrell NASCAR project." Due in August. Kind of speaks for itself;

*"Dreamgirls." One of the rare bonding moments I've had with my mom occurred when we saw "Chicago" together. After about 20 minutes, we arrived at the same conclusion: it was time to go. I gave musicals a shot, and my bias remains intact;

*"Scary Movie 4," "Jackass 2," "The Fast and the Furious: Tokoyo Drift." I'd love to see them all, but having not seen their predecessors, I'm worried I wouldn't be able to keep up;

*"Basic Instinct 2." The first one made Sharon Stone a star. And they think we want to re-live that nightmare?;

*"Tenacious D in the Pick of Destiny." I know, everyone loves Jack Black. He's soooo funny. Nothing more amusing than an attention-starved teenge boy ... ;

*"Superman Returns." Just guessing: We'll all be plenty tired of hearing about this movie weeks before it even opens;

*"Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest." Is Johnny Depp going Nicolas Cage on us?;

*"Lady in the Water." The latest from M. Night Shaymalan. Perhaps the most overrated of Hollywood hacks. You'll sleep well;

*"Mission Impossible III." Though I can't wait for that next Tom Cruise publicity tour;

*"Casino Royale." A new James Bond in a new James Bond movie. You know Hollywood ... always on the cutting edge.

While not as certain, I'm fairly confident I will be seeing:

* "Art School Confidential." Directed by Terry Zwigoff ("Ghost World"). Characters include Vegan Holy Man, Angry Lesbian and Future Critic. Can't fail;

* "Thank You for Smoking." One of my favorite books, a satire that deftly captures the "neo-puritanical nineties," quoting my well-worn book jacket. The protagonist is a tobacco lobbyist, which must leave you at least a little curious. Please, don't let this be another "Bonfire of the Vanities" or "Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil";

* "For Your Consideration." Christopher Guest's latest, with Ricky Gervais from "The Office" and "Extras" added to the cast. I hope the slight downward trend of his last two movies doesn't continue, but, considering the subject matter --- movie awards --- I doubt it will. Regardless, Guest will never top "Waiting for Guffman" ... "People ask me if I was the class clown and I tell them no I wasn't it. But I sat next to him. And I studied him";

* "The Devil Wears Prada." I'm a sucker for movies about corporate shrews. Like Kevin Spacey in "Swimming with Sharks";

*"Marie-Antoinette." The casting is curious (Kirsten Dunst as the namesake and the increasingly annoying Jason Schwartzman as Louis XVI), but Sofia Copploa hasn't made a false move, yet, as a director. Still, a costume epic ... I'll get to it in '07.