Team Goofus

Got a statement about a celebrity scandal? Then let your top do the talking in any of the T-shirts sporting points of view about lockups, hookups and breakups. From "Free Lil' Kim" to "Feed Lindsay," snarky celeb tops "provide commentary in a superficial, funny way. They've replaced the bumper sticker," says Allure editor in chief Linda Wells. Trendy New York and L.A. shops sell them, but fans can go to a T-shirt website or store and create their own.

Might as well don a tee proclaiming "I'm a loser and I have no life." What else can be said about those who would proclaim allegiance to a stranger?

Some of the more ridiculous entries:

Team Heather and Team Denise

$48 at Kitson in Los Angeles

• Spawned by: Denise Richards' breakup with Charlie Sheen — and her subsequent public smooching with former friend Heather Locklear's estranged hubby Richie Sambora. (On Friday, Richards and Sheen announced they were working on a child custody agreement.) So far, Heather is outselling Denise 3-2.


Team Aniston and Team Jolie

$48 at Kitson in L.A.

• Spawned by: What else? Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt's split, and his subsequent relationship with globe-trotting do-gooder Angelina Jolie. (The two are expecting their first child together.) Proving that the public's sympathy still sticks with the former Friends star, the Aniston top is outselling Jolie 15-1.

Team Nick and Team Jessica

$48 at Kitson in L.A.

• Spawned by: The tabloid-ready breakup of reality TV couple Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson amid scuttlebutt of affairs, career jealousy and raging egos. Lachey's side is winning the wear war, outselling Simpson by 40-1.

How about a Team Goofus or Team Gallant T-shirt? That I might wear.

Told you it was a slow news day.