Monday, December 19, 2005

There's a Scientology bunker in New Mexico

Sounds like a a great punchline ...

But there are actually crop circles in New Mexico forming the logo of the Church of Scientology.

According to the Washington Post: "The archiving project, which the church has acknowledged, includes engraving Hubbard's writings on stainless steel tablets and encasing them in titanium capsules. It is overseen by a Scientology corporation called the Church of Spiritual Technology."

Naturally, Scientology tried to quash the story, originally broadcast by an Albuquerque TV station.

So what are the crop circles meant to convey? "Former Scientologists familiar with Hubbard's teachings on reincarnation say the symbol marks a 'return point' so loyal staff members know where they can find the founder's works when they travel here in the future from other places in the universe.

'As a lifetime staff member, you sign a billion-year contract. It's not just symbolic,' said Bruce Hines of Denver, who spent 30 years in Scientology but is now critical of it. 'You know you are coming back and you will defend the movement no matter what. . . . The fact that they would etch this into the desert to be seen from space, it fits into the whole ideology.'

Recall if you will that Scientology traces most of mankind's woes to an evil alien lord named Xenu, a galactic holocaust perpetrated 75 million years ago, and, uh, the field of psychiatry. (The latter is a particular concern, as all of America now knows, of movie star Tom Cruise.)

The church maintains two other vaults in California to preserve Hubbard's materials and words, according to Hines and another longtime staff member who also quit a couple of years ago, Chuck Beatty of Pittsburgh.

'The whole purpose of putting these teachings in the underground vaults was expressly so that in the event that everything gets wiped out somehow, someone would be willing to locate them and they would still be there,' said Beatty, who spent 28 years in Scientology. Some loyalists are tasked specifically with the 'super-duper confidential' job of coming back to Earth in the far-off future, he added.

Is there an easier target?

What about dangerously true believer Jenna Elfman, whom you probably don't remember as the really annoying blonde from that show that used to be on TV for years but no one ever watched, "Dharma and Greg?" Here's some choice rantings from the latest issue of "Celebrity" magazine, a Scientology publication.

Not a damn ounce of subtlety in those people!

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